"You're just like him, really. You just don't care. Who are you to ignore me like that?" 

Words hurt. She unwittingly ripped out my heart. I'm tired of trying to find a reason why I couldn't give up, so let's just cry. Depressed is what I'm thinking. Frost killing hour, the sweet turning sour. Maybe I don't cry in front of you but it hurts. Maybe I won't say but I feel. Maybe I don't show but truthly I care. When someone makes you feel special. Then suddenly leaves you hanging. This worst feeling, I hate it. 

I know you're really hurt when you starts ignoring me. Well, silence is a girl's loudest cry. Just because we don't talk doesn't mean I don't think about you. I'm just trying to distance myself because I know I can't stop you from getting angry. You said that this situation doesn't even affect me. Huh? Wow. You don't understand. It hurts when I go through something that kills me inside, keep my stuff in line even when everything's messed up. I have lost myself trying to find you. I don't want us to be strangers.

I'm a forgotten soul. You don't talk to me anymore. I'm bleeding internally. You pierced my heart with a blade. I'm dead mentally. You killed me with words. It's hard to be strong. It sucks when I'm ignored by the person whose attention is the only thing I want in the world. Worry increases pressure. Game over, I lose. I can't reach for anything new if my heart is still full of yesterday's junk. Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them. 

Mom, I'm sorry I coudn't make you any prouder of me. I'm sorry I didn't turn out the way you wanted me to be. I'm sorry that I'm a disappointment to you. Can you forgive me for didn't talk to you about two days? I told you that because apologizing does not always mean that I've wrong and you're right. It just means that I value this relationship more than my ego. There's no use to fighting the one I love. I mean it.

**********

"Are you still mad at me?" You asked me today.

No. (Because I'm not mad at you. I'm upset with you. You put me through so much pain) Whatever. I don't care anymore. I'm done. At last, feelings can be controlled, but tears never lie. My tears are like anchors that sink my heart to the depths of the deepest oceans. It's better to cry than to be angry because anger hurts others, while tears flow silently through the soul and cleanses the heart. No matter what it's not like I hate you, instead I love you mom even more than myself.